PJO and FF7 Crossover Part 1
by Grandmaster Tuna
Summary: This is a funny story about the Shinra coming to earth to harvest the untapped Mako and the attempts to stop them made by the FF7 team as well as the Olympians. Lots of funny stuff. This is my first fanfic so be gentle. More chapters will be written later


This is a crossover story between Percy Jackson & The Olympians and Final Fantasy VII. Cloud uncovers a plot by Shinra to travel to another planet and rebuild their company on the new ground. The new rocket will travel to Earth, where the land is fertile with Mako that scientists on earth have not yet learned to harvest. Percy, meanwhile, has a vision of alien...humans making their way to his home planet to further a pollution-creating enterprise that will ultimately leave the earth barren. I plan to make this story humorous, and I've never done anything like this before, so I ask for some constructive criticism. I will be making fun of every character to make it fair. Don't take the funny parts seriously. It is not my intention to get brutally murdered by an angry mob of fangirls. (Takes place after AC and The Last Olympian)

Disclaimer: I absolutely do not own the Percy Jackson series or the Final Fantasy series because if I had, you would have heard of me already and I would have better things to do with my life than sit at home writing fanfiction. Alas, I have nothing to do, so I will make an attempt to amuse my fellow nerds and dorks with my creativity.

Chapter 1: The Plot of a Bored Individual

**The Olympians**

Perseus Jackson woke up, startled at the nightmare he had just experienced. Every prior dream he'd had in that category had made at least a little bit of sense. It either had something to do with his friends being in danger, or some sort of plot being hatched by Ancient Greek scourges of evil. This, however, had seemed a bit too farfetched even to his tastes. There was no possible way that people had hair that spikey or minguns grafted onto their arms, but he had been surprised before.

He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked around the Poseidon cabin. The place empty with the exception of himself and a random assortment of clothes that were strewn about the floor. It was still dark outside, and the fountain was the source of the rippling light that reflected all around the walls. It would have been extremely peaceful were it not for the random images that shot through his mind. It was weird that aliens that visited earth were human. It was even weirder that one of them had a sword that, including the handle, was more or less the same height of the guy wielding it (who happened to have hair that would take about three gallons of gel to get the spikey effect), but the weirdest thing, and this was probably the most important, was that Percy wouldn't have dreamed about it unless it had something to do with him.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead in the palm of his head with his fingers spread across his cheek. It looked like the next few days were going to be really interesting.

**The Heroes**

"I can't believe this is actually happening," said Tifa in complaint, her arms crossed and legs shivering from the cold.

"Yeah, we're going into space again!" said Cid with excitement.

"Yes, Cid, that's exactly it," Her tone was sarcastic as she sighed as she looked out the window. The stars speckled beautifully like diamonds floating in an ocean of ink.

"Has everyone read the plans?" asked Cait Sith.

He grabbed a manila folder that had been sitting next to him and held it out to nobody in particular. Within were the plans that had been swiped from Shinra's operation to rise to power again. It involved places that nobody in the space compartment had ever heard of before. Apparently, Rufus' set of hand-picked scientists had found a far away planet that was ripe with mako, and, with all of Shinra's remaining money, a space expedition was launched to harvest said energy and make Shinra a dominant global force like it once was.

Cid, being the genius that he was, was the only person on the planet left that could design the rocket for Shinra, so, when he was asked to draw the blueprints, he made a small side-compartment that would hold him and his compatriots so that they could follow Shinra to make sure they wouldn't start killing another planet.

Tifa continued shivering until Red XIII noticed and curled up next to her legs, giving her body warmth.

"Th-th-thanks, Red," said Tifa.

"I think we've all read them except for Cloud," said Vincent.

The team's eyes shifted to Cloud, who was curled up in the corner with drool seeping from the side of his mouth. He was obviously asleep, for a feint snoring sound came from his direction. He only had one shoe on, and his sword was resting in his lap with one hand loosely gripping the handle.

"Poor thing," said Tifa, "He's exhausted. Marlene and Denzel kept him up all night when they learned he would be going into space. They even dyed his hair purple and then back to blond again."

For no apparent reason, Barret angrily climbed up the nearby ladder.

"Where are you going?" asked Yuffie, who was sharpening her oversized shuriken.

Barret looked at everyone and said, "I'm going to go get my stash of popsicles! It's bad enough you guys don't have anything interesting to talk about other than the storyline, foo! Seriously, this part's nothing but fillin' in the readers on wha's happening in the storyline. We all know this, but it just _has _to be explained out loud! Y'all made me hungry for some ice cream, so I'm getting my snack that I brought. Don't expect me to share with y'all neither. You shoulda brought your own."

And with that, Barret headed down the hatch, still muttering about how he might hit someone before the trip was over.

"What's his problem?" asked Red XIII.

"Well," Tifa replied, "he's tired of all these insane crossovers that people come up with. He was supposed to have at least four vacations right now, but people just keep writing stories with us in them, and it's kinda gotten to him."

Just then, Cloud stirred from what had apparently been a bad dream, for he wildly swung his sword around a few times, nearly slicing Yuffie's head off. She leapt from her spot and ran up the walls of the confined space, did a graceful back flip, and landed in a pose ready to throw her weapon.

"What the F*** was that!" asked Yuffie with a panicked tone to her voice.

Cloud looked around and yawned, setting his sword down. "Sorry, Yuff," he said, "I had a dream that I was having sex.

"What kind of sex prompts people to almost murder the person in front of them!"

"The kind with an angry chocobo, and why are you acting like you could hurt me?"

That statement made her angry. "I'm just as dangerous as anyone in here!"

Cloud wasn't impressed and set his sword down beside him. "We all know that we could've taken Sephiroth without you here."

"Hey," Yuffie replied angrily, "you could say the same about Vince over there!"

(for those that didn't get the joke, Vincent and Yuffie were optional characters in the original game)

"Yeah, but he's just a badass. He has an awesome life story, and he can turn into a violent demonic beast that could kill any enemy he would encounter. All you have is a big ass ninja star and a kleptomaniacal obsession with materia. I mean, he's got a pistol with three barrels and pointy metal shoes. That just screams awesomeness."

Vincent nodded in approval, raising up his foot and wiggling it to further the point.

"CALM DOWN!" yelled Tifa as she stood up. The room fell silent, and Red mumbled a curse at Tifa, who had stood up so abruptly that she knocked him on his side. Tifa continued, "We can't do this for an entire week, guys. It's bad enough that we're stuck here in a tiny metal pouch on the side of the ship, where it's freezing cold and the tension is high, but now we're arguing about stuff that people could care less about. You are all so immature!"

A stillness again fell over the room. Tifa's speech had put everyone to shame, and nobody said a word to each other for ten minutes. At that moment, Barret came down the ladder holding a cardboard box filled with watermelon flavored ice cream. "I got it!" he said with glee.

"Dang, y'all sounded angry just now," said Barret. "I guess I'll share my ice cream to ease things down a bit."

Cid grabbed a popsicle and took a bite before asking, "Is it racist for the black guy to have watermelon pops?"

"Of course it isn't." answered Vincent. "Black people aren't the only ones that like watermelon. Stop thinking that the author is racist, sheesh."

Barret's ice cream had eased the tension and brought everyone into a better mood. A few hours later, everyone was asleep. The only sound was the afterburner of the ship, which made a powerful flaming hum as it pushed them through space.

**The Olympians**

"Chiron!" yelled Percy.

The centaur turned from his knitting and looked at the young hero. "Yes, Percy?"

"We have to act quickly! There are aliens, that are human, coming to earth to sap the life out of the planet! There are men in funny looking expensive suits, a talking cat...dog...tiger thing, a house cat on top of a stuffed replica of the blob, and Mr. T got a bio-mechanical minigun surgically implanted onto his arm. On top of all that, their main food source is watermelon pops, and they have a shape shifting badass with pointy metal shoes and a gun with three barrels!"

"Pointy shoes! We're done for!"

"Come on, keep your voice down. There has to be some way to interpret this," said Percy.

Annabeth strolled up next to Percy and kissed him on the cheek. "So, what's going on guys?"

"POINTY SHOES!" screamed Chiron in terror.

Annabeth screamed bloody murder and fell to the ground crying in the feeble position.

"Gods, guys, it's not that bad. Look, all the weird ones I saw seemed to be the good guys," said Percy.

He took out a piece of paper and drew stick figures with the defining features of everything he saw. When he was done, Percy handed it to Chiron. He and Annabeth looked at the crude artwork of the ship and its inhabitants. Percy hadn't neglected to mark the good guys' faces with smiles and the bad guys' with frowns. They looked over it carefully before Annabeth began to point out the things that she couldn't understand.

"So, the blond version of alfalfa has a large, cancerous banana, there's a Native American talking cat, and...Why does that girl have a spiked doughnut?"

"Ha ha," said Percy sarcastically as he snatched the paper from her hands, "but seriously, this could mean trouble for all of us, and they said they would be here in a week."

Chiron looked at the both of them and said, "I wouldn't worry too much about this. It may have just been a nightmare, Percy. Not every one has to mean something. If it's really a threat, I'm sure the gods will handle it. I mean, it's not like Zeus is just going to let aliens enter the atmosphere. Besides, everything that you've just explained to me sounds like a video game from the 90's. That being said, It wouldn't hurt to make provisions just in case, so you two and Nico are in charge of making sure we're defended in case this issue is real."

The camp counciler returned to his knitting, leaving Percy and Annabeth alone. A stunned silence came from Percy for the next ten seconds.

"Why does it seem like Chiron is blowing us off? Usually he gives some wise advice and helps us on our journeys in any way he can."

"Well," Annabeth answered, "It's almost time for his vacation again, and he's trying not to get too occupied with his duties so he can take care of the ones he already has. Plus...um, he's got a girlfriend. Hence the relentless knitting. He's making her a sweater. It's so cute." She smiled in Chiron's direction.

Percy stood in a bewildered state. "Really? Chiron's got a girlfriend? Who?"

"Sandra Bullock."

Percy's jaw dropped. "No way! He's so lucky!"

Annabeth drew her arm back and punched him in the shoulder.

"Ouch! What? She's hot."

She punched him again.

"Ow! Okay, okay I get it." said Percy as he rubbed his aching shoulder. "So, what do we do now?"

"We could start by finding out what happened with previous alien situations," said Annabeth. She unzipped her backpack and pulled out one small file from what must have been hundreds. She began humming a tune that vaguely sounded like Laid to Rest by Lamb of God, but Percy couldn't be sure. "Aha, here we are."

"So you just happen to have the all the information on every activity we've been discussing?"

"As Olympus' official architect, I have access to any file that involves the construction of anything, ever. This should help: Roswell, New Mexico was founded by Darth Vader and the Wonder Twins after they dropped acid at a Grateful Dead concert. Both of them were from outer space, and they got clearance to enter earth after appeasing the gods with two extremely awesome movie and TV series, respectively. "

"So, as long as there's no major media hype based off of them, they won't be allowed on earth?" asked Percy.

"That's right, seaweed brain. "

"Then, that's good. I mean, I've never heard of anything along the lines of someone with some giant sword the same size as he is." Percy sighed with relief as Nico di Angelo joined the conversation half-heartedly as his nose was buried in his newly acquired PSP.

"What's up guys?" asked Nico in greeting while not looking up from the video game.

"An issue was brought up, but we took care of it," answered Annabeth while she put her file back into the plethora of papers in her possession. (Ha Ha, alliteration)

"That's cool, guys."

"So, what should we do now?" asked Percy. "I mean, we were supposed to have some sort of storyline in this thing, but it looks like that idea got thrown out the window."

Annabeth thought for a few minutes. "We could do a storyline arc where we stray away from the actual plot of something and completely reinvent it by introducing something unrelated."

With his hands together, Percy pointed at his girlfriend. "We can't do that. People do that way too much and put their ideas on random websites to be reviewed by other people obsessed with the storylines enough to look at the different possibilities online."

"Well, it's better than what you could come up with," said Annabeth.

"Oh yeah? Let's have an invincibility contest. I win!"

Percy stood, triumphant in his self proclaimed victory with a gleam in his eye like a proud eagle that just caught a big horn sheep upon which to feast. (Seriously, eagles kill and eat really big animals. Youtube it sometime)

"Gods, Nico, you've been glued to that thing since you've been in the story. What's up?" inquired Annabeth.

"My dad gave me this new PSP, and I downloaded Final Fantasy VII on my his recommendation. It's his favorite video game series."

Annabeth looked very unimpressed while Percy peeked over the shoulder of his fellow demigod. "Annabeth...there's something I should tell you."

"I don't want to hear it, seaweed brain. Video games are more childish than your own obsession with being invincible."

Percy scrunched up his face. "Hey! How many invincible people do you know? Don't be talking crap...never mind! These are the characters that I saw in my dream!"

"Video games don't have people with guns on their arms and ridiculously oversized weapons," said Annabeth as she started walking away.

Percy looked up slowly. "Annabeth...it's Japanese." (Trust me, I'm not racist. You have to admit, Japanese people come up with some weird stories. Go watch Fooly Cooly...nuff said)

That stopped her in her tracks. A few seconds passed. A breeze brushed over her blond hair.

"We've got work to do."

**The Shinra**

In the cockpit of the rocket, the turks all stood around in their black suits. The only person in a white suit was President Rufus Shinra, who was quietly sitting with his fingers together in his extremely bright green, puffy space recliner. A team of pilots and navigators in bright orange and pink suits tapped away at their coordinating computers, and the pungent aroma of beef jerky farts could be smelled throughout the room.

"Do we really have to stand here for the entire week?" asked Reno in a whiny voice.

The president looked over his shoulder. "Of course. You guys are turks. You never sit down when you're protecting me."

"But you didn't even get us chairs or beds. It's like you expected all of us to just stand here and keep you company the whole time," said Tseng.

"That's the idea."

Rude stepped forward and took off his shades. He was tired of the president's mistreatment of his employees. "You can't do that! We're human beings!"

"Don't get all mad at me because you can't grow hair! It's not my fault that you guys never sat down in my presence before. I just assumed that it was physically impossible or something."

At the mention of his hair issue, Rude turned around and started crying. Footsteps made quiet thumps on the shag carpet as he left the room. Elena, who was standing in the hall at the time, sighed and moved out of the way just as Rude stormed down the hallway with tears in his eyes. She entered the room and looked directly at the president.

"Why did you have to mention his hair again? Seriously, that's the fourth time today! Have some respect for your employees!"

Rufus considered this for a moment before replying, "I could fire you." This action immediately silenced the angry blond woman as she looked around for a chair in which she could angrily sit down and cross her arms while giving the evil eye to her boss.

"...Where are the chairs?" she asked.

Rufus sighed, "Not this again."

Tseng looked over at her, "He didn't know we sat down..."

"Well that makes sense. I mean, we never sat down in front of him before. I don't see why we would do it now."

The silence was staggering as Reno quietly stepped over to Elena...and punched her in the face as hard as he possibly could. She went down with a loud thud that was immediately silenced by the emptiness of space.

Tseng looked at Reno. "Why, in the name of all that is dressed in black suits, did you do that?"

Reno made his reason clear when he went over to the unconscious female turk and used her as a chair.

"Aaaahhhh, that's **way **better."

The turk leader shrugged and sat next to Reno.

"Hey, you're right!" exclaimed Tseng.


End file.
